The Battle of the Sandwiches

‍Dating story #257*:

I once went on a date with somebody who spent four figures on Uber Eats in a single month.  It wasn’t on the first date that he told me this (he was an intelligent guy, after all, and had at least some modicum of self-awareness), but that fun fact will forever be how I remember him.

It was one of those evenings that followed one of those days that came smack bang in the middle of one of those weeks.  You know what I’m talking about: too much socialising that started off great and then veered into forced; too much work that started and well, just didn’t stop.  Too much everything, honestly; just all of it too too too much.  

And, on top of all that too much, trying to think about what would make a simple, healthy dinner was the straw that broke my figurative camel’s back, and set me teetering on the edge of a rage spiral.

“It’s alright C,” he said, “We’ll have sandwiches.”

Let’s rewind a bit here.  I was brought up in an Asian household, and my Mum is one hell of a cook.  But in no way does it ever cross my mind (not naturally; not yet!) that a sandwich is appropriate dinner food.**

“Sandwiches?”  I repeated.  “How about we just… Uber Eats?”

“Deleted it,” he replied.  “You know, when you made me promise I wouldn’t eat KFC again.”

There: my pet peeve was triggered.  “I didn’t make you do anything.”

By this point, I think he somehow had an inkling about the building spiral.

“In fact,” he said, “let’s make it fun.  A competition.  A sandwich off.  I make us sandwiches first, and then you, and then me, and we keep on going until we’re full and we vote for the best sandwich.”

I must admit, he does have a way of helping me flip out of my bad moods.

We went two rounds - once him, once me - before we called it quits, and I’m pretty sure I won.  I’m also pretty sure he thinks he won too, so, in the interest of fairness and transparency, here are the details of both. 

His: Ham Salad

• 2 slices bread, ideally a farmhouse white
• Sliced ham (or mortadella, or chicken, or whatever deli meat your heart desires)
• Tomato
• Cucumber
• Gem Lettuce
• Butter
• Mayonnaise, ideally kewpie
• Salt / Pepper

Spread one slice of bread with butter and add your choice of cold meat (me: free range ham; him: thick mortadella).  Follow with thinly sliced tomato, then cucumber, then a leaf or two of a little gem lettuce.  

Top with kewpie mayo (him: it’s very important this is in a squiggle, and not spread on the bread with a knife) and add salt and pepper before pressing down the second slice and cutting in half.

Hers: Roast Veggie & Hummus

• 2 slices bread, ideally, a light rye
• Good quality hummus (I prefer Monjay’s)
• Roasted broccoli, chopped into small pieces (though probably any vegetable will do)
• Sunflower seeds
• Pomegranate molasses

Put both slices in the toaster, but in the same slot.  You want only one side of the bread toasted.  

Spread toasted sides with a thick layer of hummus.  On the slice you’re assembling on, add the broccoli and seeds - push these both into the hummus layer which should hold onto them like a glue.  Sprinkle over the molasses for some tarty umami magic before adding the second slice of bread (hummus side down, obviously) and cutting in half.

_{*Disclaimer: I am in no way experienced enough to have 257 dating stories; that number is a gross exaggeration.}

_{**I am now wholeheartedly converted, of course.}